i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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