i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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