I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
