Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
