believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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