Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
