Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
