It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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