how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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