Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
