...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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