I intend to get homeless drunk
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
