Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh god it's open bar.
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