I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
