My sheets look like a crime scene.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
