Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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