i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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