Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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