when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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