my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
