i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
