My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
