I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize