guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize