I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ugly people sure do ruin things
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize