i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
