I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
