your thong is hanging out like whoa
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
