Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
