I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
