well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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