Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
