I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
