I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Shame - the story of my life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
