Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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