I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
