If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Still dying that you shit outside
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
