Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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