All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
