Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
