maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
