this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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