my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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