Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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