Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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