Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
