and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
