i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
