i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
