I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
