He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha