I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..