You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
