It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.