i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE