If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
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Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.