apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
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I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
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We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter