Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
