if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
