maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
