It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
