fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
