Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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