i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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