I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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