Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
