cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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