Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
