awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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