Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
