I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
