Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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