I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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