it was like his penis was on wheels.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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