You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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