i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just gift wrapped bread.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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