are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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