just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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