That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
