Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
this will be a night to untag.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
