I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
