if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
