peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
