I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
