Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
