Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
