T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
