Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
