paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I understand Curling. That high.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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