I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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