i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
