I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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