i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
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She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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